THE WORLD OF EGOTISM

                                                        

                                                               

     In my life long quest to better understand my complex self, as well as other human beings, I have noted that, to a great extent there is a little interplay of ego one-upmanship going on in every type of relationship. In the home the parents often compete with each other for the dominant role; the older siblings lord it over the younger ones; the big kids bully the little kids at school and social and religious groups look down their nose at those with differing cultures, skin color and religious beliefs.

     By seeing this type of scenario being played and replayed in a variety of ways, it is quite obvious to me that there is a need in each person to be the dominant one in a relationship.  With further questioning, the understanding that came to me about such a need was this:  On this egocentrically dominated plane of life (which, according to the Judeo/Christian scriptures is a fallen level of life for human beings) "Survival of the Fittest" is the governing law for both animal and human being.  For the animal it pertains to physical survival, but for the human being it involves  the survival of both his physical body and his ego.

     Because of the need to ensure one's own survival, every form of creation is endowed with a way of protecting itself from being destroyed by predators.  Human beings have increased intelligence to that of the animal in order to outwit and protect themselves from being killed and eaten by carnivorous animals; they also have an ego that enables them to be aware of their own individuality or selfhood, as well as a sense of self-worth relative to other human beings (pride), whch enables them to protect their consciousness from being controlled by someone with a more confident ego.  (If another person can undermine your confidence and cause you to doubt yourself, that person can control how you think--and and how uou think, controls how you act.)

     From what I have observed in other human beings and learned from my own personal experience, the threat to one's individuality and sense of self-worth often begins when the human baby is still in its cradle.  At that tender age the child's only protective defense is to cry in protest if he is uncomfortable physically, or is emotionally afraid; therefore, it is very important for the mother or caregiver to be particularly patient in the way she fulfills the child's needs.  But in the World of Egotism many mothers fail in that regard and are impatient with their child's need, showing it, in the annoyed expression on their faces or the irritated tone in their voices.

      Human babies come into the world being totally self-centered and egocentric, and if the mother relates to it impatiently her negative actions carry the subtle inference that the child is not worthy of being treated any better.  Since  the baby's pride is an integral part of his consciousness, he will sense the degradation to his self-worth and will cry in protest--perhaps incessantly if the mother fails to reassure him.  But, if he continues to feel degraded, without any warmth of approval and acceptance from other human beings to counteract the degradation, he will, as a matter of survival, be forced to stop crying and to be submissive to the greater physical and ego strength of his parent.  I call him the Conformist.

      By being forced to be submissive to his parent out of fear, rather than being free to make that choice, the Conformist child is not moving from his own selfhood, so he can then be manipulated to think and act as his parent wants him to do. ( One often sees a balky child that has conformed to his parent, being forced to play a certain instrument or to possibly embark on a career that the parent, himself, wanted to be or do, but was forced to give up in order to conform to his parent.)

       On the other hand, there is the egocentrically created rebellious child.  Although many parents (willingly or unwittingly) use the army sergeant "technique" of degradation to force their offspring into conformity to them, other parents cater to their child and encourage him to express his own individuality.  They may even go overboard and coddle the child with so much attention and freedom to "be true to himself" that he feels superior to  them.  He is then empowered to rebel, not only against them but also to other authorities in his life.  I call him the Rebel.

      When the rebel goes to school then, his sense of self-worth is so high that he fully expects his teachers and classmates to cater to him as his parents have done.  In order to assert his superiority he is usually the kid that disrupts the classroom and antagonizes his teacher, teases and belittles the girls and, with a chip on his shoulder, dares the other boys to fight  him. He is therefore often disciplined by his teachers, and the "goodie goodie" conformist kids reject him as being a bully and a spoiled brat.  When he matures, unless he has been forced into conformity by overwhelming degradation, he will still show his contempt towards the Conformists, as well as their established social traditions and customs.  As such, he attracts, and is attracted to, negative experiences and often gets involved in criminal activities, that bring further rejection, condemnation and possible imprisonment to him. 

      But, whether the child is egocentrically conditioned to be a Conformist or a Rebel he no longer functions from his own selfhood, and because his self-image and personality have been shaped by other people's opinion (high or low) of his worth as a human being, he lives in what I call the World of Egotism.